This Isn’t Love.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” (1 Corinthians 13:4–5, NIV)

Weddings nationwide use that quote from the Bible. It was even read at mine. Often though, I think we forget what it means. This is the only way I can rationalize how Christians across the United States support a president whose actions display the opposite of what those words mean.

I was raised knowing the Golden Rule: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Here’s the thing: it doesn’t specify your “Christian neighbor.”

How does turning away refugees who need help follow this rule?

How does denying legal US residents the ability to return to their homes from vacation show love?

It is easy for me, in my warm home with bountiful amenities to think that I am normal, but in the larger picture of our world, I am not. I am very very lucky. So many people don’t have close to what I have.

• Worldwide, 780 million people do not have access to clean water and an estimated 2.5 billion people don’t have good sanitation. (Source: https://www.cdc.gov/healthywater/global/wash_statistics.html)
• Over 59 million children of primary school-age aren’t receiving an education. (Source: https://www.unicef.org/education/bege_61657.html)
• 400 million people do not have access to essential healthcare services. (Source: http://www.who.int/mediacentre/news/releases/2015/uhc-report/en/)
• And lastly, the UN estimated in April last year that 400,000 people have been killed throughout the civil war in Syria. (Source: http://www.aljazeera.com/news/2016/04/staffan-de-mistura-400000-killed-syria-civil-war-160423055735629.html)

Denying legal residents the ability to return to their homes isn’t displaying love. Denying refugees a safe haven isn’t displaying love. Love doesn’t only have to apply when it’s easy and convenient.

Love “always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” (1 Corinthians 13:7, NIV)

Always. That’s what love is.

**This Post Original Appeared on Medium**

This Winter

There is beauty in the ice

Unique patterns and form

It is easy to forget

That it started with a storm

To watch is just a pastime

To play is life or death

When everything still matters

It hurts to catch your breath

It is easy to get lost

In search for truth misplayed

Reflections in a mirror

That’s twisted up and frayed

The hours in the day are short

The fear is sinking deep

Bitter chills cascading down

And frozen tears we weep

As the ice shatters in pieces

We are broken inside

Spring seems so far away now

But hope moves like the tide

© 2017 by Julia Faye Slade

More than words

A lot has happened since I last posted here, and as much as I'd love to talk about me and tell funny stories about my son, I'm not going to do that with this post. Today I'm going to post about something a lot more serious, and possibly very uncomfortable.

A couple weeks ago and along with everyone else in the country, I watched a video of a man running for president bragging about sexual assault. I then watched some people defend him by saying it was just words. They then discounted the women coming forward as taking advantage of the political climate.

I think we like to view sexual assault as something we saw on a television show, but it doesn't really happen. The thing is: it does happen, and it happens a lot.

I've been lucky to live a very good life. I can also tell you that I've experienced unwanted sexual advances that have been far from appropriate. And these instances were minor in comparison to what I know has happened to other women. I know women who have been raped, and more than one. To repeat: I know multiple women who have been raped. Just think about that for a second.

These are not joking words that Trump said. This is not locker room talk. That's an insult to women and men everywhere. I know plenty of men, including my wonderful husband, who would never say things like this. Do you know what we call the men who do say things like this? Assholes.

Please don't vote this man into office. I don't want my son to grow up in a world that tolerates this kind of behavior. 

Please. Don't. 

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day, everyone!

So, I'm back in school and am taking a "technology in education" class. One of the requirements is that I have to start a blog and make a certain number of posts on it. They gave us a whole lesson on how to write a blog.

I probably should have taken notes...

(If anyone is curious, I opted to start a different blog for this class since the topics are predetermined and not consistent with my sarcastic nature.) (Yeah, you read that right: I hold the bar for this blog to be too high for those posts.)

I haven't blogged in a while and since I am not going to use my class's predetermined topics, what can I blog about?

Trump?
Superhero movies?
Star Wars?
Game of Thrones?
Baseball?
Basketball?

Just kidding. I would never blog about basketball.

I started to write a blog about Trump, but my heart just wasn't in it. I'm also seriously behind on watching superhero movies. Going to a movie requires a level of planning that I haven't managed since Star Wars, and that is so 6 months ago. (But hey 6 months from now... Rogue One! Woohoo!)

I haven't watched tonight's Game of Thrones so I can't talk about that...

And I haven't been to a single baseball game this year.

So it's Mother's Day. Is this what it is to be a mother?

Maybe I should have used my class's topics...

My political wish-list

I've always tried to steer clear of politics on this blog. Politics are such a divisive and passion-filled issue, and my experience is that entering into it on social media is usually a fruitless effort. Many things recently, however, have made me think that there is value to speaking up and voicing an opinion. No, I'm not going to tell you which candidate to vote for. That's your own decision. I can, however, give a wish-list. So here it is:

1) I wish people would remember to treat each other with love and respect. This goes for everyone, not just the people who agree with them. It's easy to be respectful of people who agree with you. It's a lot harder to be respectful of someone with a dramatically different worldview than you.

2) I wish people would try to work with the people that don't agree with them. Wouldn't it be nice if there was more compromise in our government so that people could actually get stuff done? The "my way or the highway" approach of politics these days reminds me of a childhood playground, and I don't mean that as a compliment.

3) I wish people would find out if their candidates were telling the truth, and actually care if the candidates lie. If we don't require them to be honest, who will?

4) And finally, I wish people would fact-check the stuff they share on social media. I know I've said this before. I just don't know if I can say it enough.

So that's my list. Seems simple, right?

Sigh...

(I'll be funny on my next blog... Promise)

Fountain of youth... or whatever...

"I need to see your ID, young lady."

Someone almost got slapped today.

I know... I know... I should take it as a compliment, right? I don't. It's ridiculous. I'm going to be 32 in a few weeks. I'm not 20, and more importantly, I don't look like I'm 20. My hair is a quarter gray, and I haven't dyed it since before I was pregnant with my now 10-month old son. I'm wearing absolutely no makeup, my hair is pulled back in an out-of-fashion but very useful bun. My glasses are 8 years old and incredibly out of style because my only slightly newer pair met an untimely death due to said son.

My 20-year-old self would be appalled at my lack of fashion.

So here I am, in 3-year-old Target clothes, at the check-out counter, with my son in tow, buying a bottle of wine, and you're going to call me "young lady" and card me. Okay, then. Good for you. You thought you were paying me a compliment.

You weren't.

I'm almost 32 and I don't want to be 20. I've earned those 12 years and have gone through the bumps and bruises that make up venturing into adulthood and figuring out life. How is it a compliment to set me backwards 12 years? Why would I want that? Why does our society want that? No, thank you. Life is much better in my thirties.

So if you needed to card me because you have to card everyone under 40, whatever. I'll play along with your charade, even though you never card my husband who was born on the exact same day as me.

But don't call me "young lady".

Happy New Year!

Happy 2016!

Wow.

Things I thought I would have done in 2016 if you asked me in 1996:

• Become a pop star.
• Won at least 2 Oscars.
• Become a bestselling author.

So I'm pretty much on track.

It's strange that getting married and having a kid didn't make the list. Those have turned out to be the things that I'm most proud of. I say this as my son tries to pull one of the slats out of our blinds. His face is also covered with dirt and spit up. Maybe I should clean that up...

Okay, I'm back. What was I saying? Oh, right: my life goals in 1996. I am so thankful things didn't turn out as I had hoped at the wise age of 11 years old. Life is unexpected, and while that sometimes can be a difficult thing, it can also be a very good thing.

(I would have made a terrible pop star. Sure I've got killer dance moves and auto-tune can work wonders, but my skin is way too pasty white and tanning beds are bad. Skin cancer is real, folks.)

Things don't always go as planned. For example, I planned to finish this blog post with some witty and important insight, but my son is trying to eat a power cord so I should probably take care of that.

Happy New Year!

Thanksgiving for Paris

I've been struggling with this blog. It's Thanksgiving this week, which is my favorite holiday. (Stuffing my face full of gravy-soaked foods? Yes, please!) Most years, I would say that writing a blog about all I am thankful for would be cheesy. This year, I'm making an exception.

I'm thankful I woke up this morning, in my warm bed next to my husband, with my son in his room practicing standing in his crib.

I'm thankful I got to pour myself a cup of coffee and write this post because I know so many others in the world have not had such easy mornings.

As many of you are aware, I have a degree in French. As many of you are also aware, I can't speak French, so don't ask me to. Anyway, in college I had a contemporary French history class where a huge portion of the grade was to do a research paper. We had the entire quarter to work on this paper, so naturally I wrote mine the night before it was due. I chose to write it on the status of the Muslim community in France. I chose that topic because it had the most articles that were readily available. I surprisingly got a good grade on it, but I sadly don't remember much about what I wrote. I wish I did. I wish I had spent more time on it. I spent so much of college thinking that this stuff would never be useful later on in life, but that one was. And I failed. Not in the grade sense, but in the learning sense.

I failed because I had an opportunity to really study the dynamics that the people in France are actually experiencing. We so barely scratch the surface with our headline-grabbing instant-gratification media consumption. We get our "news" from internet memes and propaganda machines, and it can be so easy to forget that these are people, people who wake up every day and mostly just want to be surrounded by their loved ones and eat a good breakfast. It's people like that who were killed in the Paris and the Beirut attacks. And it's people like that who are fleeing Syria. And it's people like that who are turning away the refugees out of fear for their loved ones.

I failed because I looked at that paper as an assignment to get done, and not as an opportunity to really understand a situation in our world that was once so easy for me to ignore. Many people shared articles on Facebook calling out the fact that everyone focused so much on Paris and not on Beirut. That's fair. We should have focused on both. I think the reason everyone focused on Paris so much is because of how close to home it hit us. I was a French major and spent a summer there. This was a place I had a personal connection to. And it was a place, in my mind, that was supposed to be safe.

There's this small corner of my mind where I store the knowledge and awareness of the atrocities that are happening regularly in our world, outside of the comforts of the "safe" western countries. I think about it and I think "that's so sad", but I don't really let myself feel it. If I feel it, I have to accept how awful it is, and I'm not sure if I can handle that. It's so much easier to stay safe over here and not really comprehend that what's happening over there is happening to people. Real people.

People who want to wake up every morning surrounded by their loved ones.

I don't have a solution for this. I wish I did. I wish someone did.

So this Thanksgiving, I am also thankful for love and for compassion. I am remembering two golden rules: love your neighbor, and treat others how you would like to be treated.

Because in this global community, everyone is our neighbor. I need to remember that.

My novel journey...

Once upon a time, the biggest challenge in the world was writing a novel. I had no idea if I could because the time and dedication required was daunting. 

And then I did it. It took me several years albeit, but way back in 2006, I finished my first novel, The Vision of Caldaria. 

Finished is such an arbitrary word, it seems.

Three years later, in 2009, I self-published it. It wasn't ready, and I knew it wasn't, but I wanted to move on to writing the sequels and the other stories I had in mind. I did just that. I wrote two sequels that I'm quite proud of, but there was always this nagging feeling about the first book. It wasn't ready. It didn't tell the story I wanted it to. 

So about a year ago, I picked up the novel I had "finished" 8 years prior. Today I released a new updated version, with a whole lot different but the core story still the same. Now it's a book I am proud of, not just because I did it, but because I think it's finally ready. And now I have the very daunting task of marketing it and convincing people to read it.

I used to think the biggest challenge in the world was writing a novel. 

It was. Now I just hope people read it.

I swear I'm not turning this into a mommy blog...

So I am a member of this mommy board on Facebook. It's provided me with much amusement and sometimes horror, but I'm discovering that's a consequence of being a parent. You'll never agree with everyone, and as a result, sometimes the internet is not your best friend. (It's full of crazies.) (Like me.)

Anyway, one thing I've noticed on this board is that people tend to complain about their spouses, and more often than not, other moms will chime in saying that "he's got issues" or even "leave him". Don't get me wrong: many of these guys might have issues and some even should be left, but shouldn't that be a last resort? A lot of these are responses to things like comments on clothing the mom is wearing or how the baby is being fed. (Not whether or not the baby is being fed, but disagreement over the method.) I appreciate that my husband is wise enough to keep his opinions about my attire to himself, but if he did one day decide to chime in with his two cents, I wouldn't consider that a divorce-worthy offense.

Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but when I see so many moms have an abundance of opinions about the best way to raise their child and in the same breath be so willing to suggest pulling the plug on the child's other parent, I get confused at the end goal. Plenty of children can grow up happy and healthy with divorced parents (including yours truly), but it usually isn't easy on anyone. I also think that compromise is a magnificent tool and that treating your spouse with love and respect can often result in that being done to you in return and set a great example for your kids. (Not always. Some people are d-bags and always will be.) (All genders included.)

Marriage should still be a priority once the kids are in the picture, maybe even more so. It's so easy to say "you were my #1 but now my kid is my #1", but that's not how I like to view it. My family is my #1. As a whole. And that includes my husband. Otherwise those marriage vows we made, amidst Mario Kart references and Star Wars music, just don't quite mean as much.

(Our wedding was awesome.)

An unexpected melody

A simple song, a note strikes through my mind

I stare at you, lost in thought and time

If words were enough, a gentle chord to remember

Then you'd be here, every day in this measure

It's hard to think of life before you came

And I know that things will never be the same

I give to you every breath I can muster

Your sweet melody leaves me breathless and in wonder.

Turning Water Into Water

It's kind of hard to believe that it's fall consider that it's still in the 80's outside. Being from Seattle, it's still hard for me to adjust to the lack of seasons here in Southern California, and I'm sure the drought has made it worse. This is the kind of drought that is so serious that Orange County residents are actually giving up their lawns and a Central California town literally ran out of water. It's pretty crazy, and everyone is trying to do their part. I, for one, haven't washed my car in about a year.

Okay, okay. I know what you're thinking...

Julia, you never washed your car before the drought!

And...

Julia, you washed your car a year ago??

Don't take this away from me. Now I drive my dirty car with honor. The dent on the front though? There's nothing but shame associated with that one. (The garage door had it coming.)

Anyway, back to the drought. Millions of people in our world go daily without clean water, or running water, or reliable access to water. People are currently dying of water related diseases. (Some sources here and here.)

This isn't to say that the California drought isn't serious. It is serious, and we should take it seriously. I'm just saying that maybe giving up our green lawns isn't so big of a sacrifice in the grand scheme of things.

(And for those of you who were wondering, yes I did write this post to explain to my husband that I'll wash my car when I'm good and ready.)

(When the drought is over.)

(Maybe.)

For the love of pizza

I miss pizza.

I had to stop eating dairy for my son who has an allergy, and it has proven to be more of a challenge than I expected. It's not that I didn't expect it to be a challenge (because I did). It's just that I didn't expect to miss pizza this much.

Out of all of the things, why pizza?

Pizza is convenient. You don't have to plan in advance for it. Out of food in your kitchen? Order a pizza. 

Don't want to cook? Order a pizza.

Having friends over? Order a pizza.

Falling asleep while trying to cook because your baby woke up every hour the night before? Order a pizza... with a 2 liter of coke. 

Pizza is also so versatile. Is there anyone out there who doesn't like pizza? There's a type for everybody. Toppings galore.

But you know what topping is almost always included? Cheese.

And that's where we're at. 

I miss pizza.

Reflecting on today

Fourteen years ago today, I was waking up in my mom's house in Seattle when my dad called us to tell us to turn on the news. I didn't know anyone in New York. I'd never even been there outside of the airport. However, I knew I was watching history unfold, and I knew that this was a level of tragedy that I could not comprehend. I still struggle, and fail, to comprehend it. I know that the horror of what occurred still haunts many people.

Fast-forward to today. This morning I watched my 5 month old son roll around on his play mat happily and it struck me that to him, 9/11 will just be something that happened in a history book... like the Vietnam War to my generation... and World War II to my parents... and World War I to my grandparents. Every generation has their tragedy and their war. Is it so crazy for me to hope that this trend skips a generation with his?

So today, I reflect on 9/11, and on the devastating tragedies that are still occurring throughout our world, and I hope that someday, somehow, we stop having days like today that we need to remember.

I dream of memes with sources cited...

You know what I'm not looking forward to? The 2016 election. Politics used to be my thing. Back in 2004, I got to cover the election beat for my university's newspaper and it was fascinating. I was able to interview the candidates, attend rallies, and really go in depth on the issues in a way that I hadn't before. It was a lot of fun.

Then social media came. Don't get me wrong; I love me some Facebook. I could post pictures of my baby on there all day long. I get to stay in touch with my family that lives far away and I get to torment my in-laws when my sports teams beat theirs. It's pretty great. Until someone throws a pass when they should have run the ball and the apocalypse happens.

What I don't love is the propaganda. And half-truths. And sometimes downright lies. I don't like the memes that don't cite their sources so I have to go do googling to find out if it's accurate or not. This stuff is bad enough on a regular year, but during an election year? OUT OF CONTROL.

I get it. Emotions run high on this stuff. It doesn't help that our media likes to pander to the extremes so we get a "one side or the other" view on information. Moderate, well-researched information doesn't really cut it in the entertainment-over-news society we live in right now. As a result, we tend to get pretty fired up about topics that may not be so black and white as we were led to believe. It's a bad news bears situation and it makes bad politics. Because then stuff doesn't get done, and I hear that getting stuff done is part of our politician's jobs. (I think.)

So here's my request: research before you post/share. Take the few minutes to google it. And don't just go to that one news source you trust because sometimes they don't have all of the information. Many of my friends post really interesting well-researched articles I wouldn't normally come across otherwise. Social media can be great for that, if it's used correctly.

And if that happens, I'll be able to focus on the important things, like mourning that stupid pass. Seriously, WHY WOULD HE THROW THE BALL?

I'll get over this someday...

"Life Thoughts"... or "Why I May Be A Crazy Person"

Remember how in school, if you were getting good grades, then you needed to be spending more time on extra-curricular activities? And if you were spending lots of time on extra-curricular activities, you weren't spending enough time on your grades. And if you were managing to do both, you weren't having enough fun. And if you were doing neither, you weren't going to college.

It didn't end there, did it?

In college, you needed to figure out your career and choose your major accordingly. Of course, if you did that, you weren't pursuing what you love and really embracing the liberal arts. And if you were spending too much time on school, you weren't having enough fun. And if you weren't spending enough time on school, you weren't graduating.

Then there was work. Ah, work. The bane of everyone's existence. Except for those three people on Facebook who "love what they do" and want to share it with the world. You know them. You might even be pretending to be one of them. But we all know the truth. (I have been known to love my job and be very passionate about it, but I will ALWAYS pick hanging out on a beach with a margarita in my hand over it.)

And no matter what you do, your life decisions are never quite right. It was either: "You're too young to get married!" or it was: "You're too old to still be single!" You will pretty much hear some variant of this until you do get married.

Marriage then leads to the inevitable: the kids questions. OH DEAR GOD, the kids questions.

"Are you going to have a kid?"
"Why don't you wait a while?"
"Have one now."
"Why aren't you going to have kids???"

(Okay, that third one wasn't a question, but it had to be included.)

And if you do have a kid, it doesn't stop there. No, that's when the gloves come off.

What type of school are you going to send your kids to? Are you going to homeschool? How are you going to dress them? What type of toys are you going to buy them? Did you spend 4 hours researching that toy to make sure it's only made of pure butterflies and marshmallows? Are you going to sleep train your child? Because sleep training is evil, and highly beneficial. Do you have an organic mattress on your crib? Because that would be a waste of money. And super healthy. And please, FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS, BREASTFEED YOUR CHILD. In public. Out there. For the world to see. Or you're not doing it right.

So the next time you're lying in bed, wondering if you're doing this whole life thing wrong, don't worry. You probably are.

Round 752

It's been a while since I've posted here.

Okay, okay. Three years doesn't count as a while. Three years counts as a freakin' long time. (I just had a child and am working on my language.) I wish I had an excuse for my lack of postings, but the truth is that life got in the way. I used to have many opinions on philosophical ideals, and now I mostly have opinions on diaper brands and onesies. You see, the truth is I've gotten very very boring. And for the most part, I'm okay with that.

So why do I pick up my blog again after all of this time? That's a complicated question. It mainly comes down to fact that I love to write, and that's not always easy to find time for. This blog was once an outlet for me that I could fill with all of my thoughts and opinions. Now I have Facebook and less opinions. I can aspire to share some observations on here, however. Grade A ones. Certified interesting. Or at least mildly entertaining.

But maybe I'll leave that for another day...

It's been 3 months that I've been without TV...

For those of you that may not know me as well, this is very bizarre accomplishment. I've had three great loves in my life, and I've never been one to give up any of them:

A) Writing
B) Taco Tuesday
C) Television

That was in no particular order.

(Perhaps I should have listed friends, family or my boyfriend? Details... Details...)

Anyway, I've given up television... Sort of... I'm still streaming one show at a time on Netflix, so I'm kind of cheating. At least that's good television though, or at least I like to tell myself that.

Onto my dilemma: Football has started, and as it turns out, I enjoy watching sports. ("Watching" is the key word there.) I can only see two ways of solving this issue: I could go to a sports bar every weekend, or I could reignite my television addiction. It's a difficult decision, because one involves drinking lots of beer, and the other involves lots of wasted time watching unnecessary television.

Decisions... Decisions...

I'll probably do both.

So, I've been convinced by my boyfriend to join a softball team. Actually, "convinced" isn't the proper word. "Coerced" might be a better one.

Now, I know what you are thinking, because I think these things too. The first thoughts to cross your mind were:

A) Julia, you've never played sports
B) Julia, you can't hit
C) Julia, you can't throw
D) Julia, you can't catch
E) Julia, you can't run
F) Julia, you walk into walls. What are you thinking???

I'd like to deny the above claims, but I can't. They are all absolutely correct. I'm probably doomed.

In other news, our team forfeited our first game because we were 15 runs behind.

I was playing catcher.

My bad?

Once upon a time I posted on this blog much more regularly. I was good at it, and even though most of my postings were bold faced lies, I think it was entertaining. Now though, my posts consist mostly of my lack of posting. A once a year "oops I forgot I had a blog" moment. I'm trying to move past that.

A year ago, I finished my second novel, The Quest for Caldaria. I published it on CreateSpace and have been working diligently on finishing the third ever since. I am about 2/3 of the through it. I wish I could say writing was easy, but it's not. I have random moments were my brain just stops creating, and I don't have any way to get it started again. I am having one of those moments right now. Writer's Block 101. I should teach a class.

The feeling of finishing a novel is like finishing high school or college. You have this accomplishment sitting in front of you, and then you realize that you have no idea what you should do with it. It's rather terrifying. With my 3rd book, it's even worse. It's the conclusion of the Caldaria Trilogy, and it's kind of like finally finishing grad school, and you still don't have a plan.

(I never went to grad school, so I'm having to assume here.)

I digress, however, because mostly right now, I am avoiding writing. I still am lost as to where to take the story, and my boyfriend's suggestion of all of the characters getting into a Final Four basketball match-up to figure out who wins doesn't quite fit the context of the book. I should probably think of something else.

Like a Mario Kart race...